What not to do as a nurse, version 100

We have new staff members at the Hotel, so I'll be sure to bring along the latest installment from the RehabLand State Board of Nursing newsletter.

This issue was more sad than silly, unfortunately. When they say you are a "licensed professional nurse" they really are stressing all three of those things. Licensed (you have one) professional (you are one at all times) and nurse (the occupation, not just the job).

Here are the top 10 items: (I wish there weren't this many, but...)

1. Yes, you really can get a ding on your license if you decide to take some controlled substances you got in 2010, and for which you no longer have a prescription.

The little problem happens when your employer makes you pee in a cup.

Can you say "just dispose of this properly and get a script if you need one."? I knew you could.

2. Don't just screw up one thing, screw up many.

A nurse had a really, really bad day and just kind of forgot to follow a bunch of orders on an acutely ill patient (meds, isolation, etc.)

3.Sleep on duty.

Just say no. Sleep on your own time and no one ever reads about it in a newsletter or on the news. End of story.

4. More on not following orders: disobey transfer orders on a patient, then remove a surgically implanted port, then attempt to reinsert it yourself.

O.M.G. After reading this, I would have had a hard time not thoroughly throttling this nurse.

5. Just forget to renew your license for a year.

Whoops! No license, no job. Sorry!

6. You work in an office and you just don't call the patient back when they ask to reschedule. If that's not enough, you just forget other things, too.

My question: How did you pass your boards? Certainly you had to remember SOMETHING?

7. Do drugs (at work, at home, at some place you can't remember).
Yes, all of those came up this issue (cocaine, meth and alcohol). The scariest one: the pregnant nurse doing meth. And yes, the kid tested positive.

Hello, another state agency, Children and Family Services.

8. Fake your license renewal.
Because, really, who wants to pay the State of RehabLand money to work when you can do it for free?

9. Get drunk, go driving, and wave a gun around in the air.
You will win the following: an unlawful use of a firearm, peace disturbance, and driving while intoxicated charges.

10. And finally, the worst one this issue: steal a dead patient's identity to get a cell phone in his/her name.

Despicable... be warned, professionals!