You know it's Monday when...

"It's a cruel, crazy, beautiful world./Every day you wake up/I hope it's a blue, blue sky." --Johnny Clegg

1. Your patient is the heaviest one on the floor.
2. The first thing you have to do when you walk into the room and say hi, is suction said patient.
3. After that, you have to change the patient's external catheter, since the last shift somehow managed to pull it off. Said patient has a wet pad beneath him.
4. Clean up patient and change pad.
5. Wait for docs to round. Hold bowel routine, 'cause heaven forbid a doctor see a patient who poops whilst they're in the room!
6. Once Dr. HarvardMedSchool gives you crazy orders (like attach dressings without attaching them and you're not using one of these), start bowel routine.
7. Bowel routine over, so bathe patient. Suction again, and again, and again, before shave, after shave, after turning, etc.
8. Feed patient lunch. Suction patient.
9. Be so happy you follow the rules re: isolation gowns in rooms because as you dress patient, patient has a lot of gas, which is accompanied by a moderate amount of loose stool, which sprays bed rail, bed, and some gets on you.
10. Take off gown, wash hands, put on new isolation gown and other assorted PPE, then suction patient again.
11. Get patient dressed, into wheelchair and adjusted. (This takes 30 minutes including cleanup after explosion).
12. Get patient out door.
13. Patient returns in two minutes frothing. Suction again.
14. This time it works, get patient to therapy for evaluation for new wheelchair.
15. Patient is gone for not quite an hour. Lo and behold, the PT inadvertently pulls off external catheter during transfer. Put patient back to bed and clean up.
16. Suction patient again once in bed. Finish cleanup.
17. Dress patient in new clothes. Get patient adjusted then resupply room for next nurse.
18. Give report.
19. Wash wet cushion cover.
20. Go home.

And in between all that, I had 1) other patients and 2) lots of documentation to do.

So glad I eat fast and early! And I'm thrilled my work Monday is over, over, over!

Stay tuned...