I need a t-shirt that says

"I survived jury duty". I did. I did. I did.

What did I miss in the years I did not get called and picked to serve on a jury? Not much.

A few things I learned though, were very important.

1. Don't let your lawyer clown it up on the opening arguments. He/she should be reasonable and convincing, but bouncing binders in front of the jury to get their attention is not the way to do that. It gave me a headache.

2. Tell the truth. Or at least be expected to use the same story over and over. You know that oath "thingy"? Yes, it applies to you.

3. Related to #2, never swear that you never use the phone. There are records.

4. Don't hire one of your own employees to serve as your "expert witness". It is a little thing called conflict of interest for him/her to participate.

5. Don't repeatedly say your client knows nothing about business, because he/she has been at it for a few years...like 40. Despite everything, the business is solvent, so who's at the wheel?

6. Always be explicit. Some folks, for whom English is a second language, may not understand things that are implied, especially in e-mails.

7. Don't use easels to display e-mail quotes that you've circulated ad nauseum in the courtroom. I got tired of looking at your not-so-hot quotes on foam board.

And finally, one of the most important things I learned from jury duty:

Take every moment you can to enjoy a moment outside in the sunshine. You will never get enough of those. Criminals and crazy relatives tend to stick around, but sunshine doesn't, so enjoy it while you can.

More to come...

Ironies

There are just some things that are very ironic in my job.

First, no one expects anyone at the Madison to be efficient. As a professional, I expect my coworkers and team members to act that way, but apparently, it's only an illusion. We have people who are really, really professional, and others, who somehow missed the professional boat. Or it's just a hope, by some of the medical staff, that the nurses will screw up so they have something to complain about.

I'm not a transporter but occasionally, I have to transport my patients, when our one lowly transporter decides to do something else and not bother to notify the nurse manager or the charge nurse. This week, I had a person from another department actually stop me and ask me if "transporter" was somehow now on my badge, since she was so incredulous that RNs actually transport patients to and fro. Yes, Tina, RNs really do transport people in rehab! It's annoying, but it's just one of those tasks we get to do...and things that interrupt us (see page 7 in this article).

Second, doctors really need to have a communication class. For grins, we were reading notes on one of our patients. Note one said patient had been in an ICU situation and has a trach. Said patient wanted to talk so patient told attending, "Take this trach out." Said patient was so seriously ill that attending viewed this as the patient wanting to end his/her life. Attending, probably freaked out by patient wanting to end it all in his/her ICU, consulted psych. Note two said psych visited and patient repeatedly denied wanting to end his/her life. Patient stated, "I just want to take this thing out so I can talk." Can you imagine what would have happened if psych didn't get involved? This could have been the ultimate whoops situation.
One other good thing did occur: patient decided to have a family member act as healthcare POA in the event he/she really can't communicate.

Finally, I'm starting to think life is really like a collection of Seinfeld episodes. One of our patients looked just like a recurring character from the show. Many other folks on the floor (including myself) have bitten our tongues laughing as we want to yell his name as we stroll to his room down the hall. Besides humoring ourselves with this patient, we also spent a lot of the week talking about the Seinfeld episode about the English Patient. Yours truly finally got a copy and watched it...so that Seinfeld finally makes sense. We don't have any English patients, but the ironies of that movie and Seinfeld linger in our little world.

Stay tuned. More merriment to come...