If I ran Hotel Rehab...

Dear Boss:

Yes, after a recent meeting in which the nursing staff was errantly dressed down by management for flagrant patient violations of house rules, here's what I'd do if I ran the Hotel Rehab.

1. Yes, bring in the guys in the uniforms (our security force) and make them lay down the law.
Rule: you break it, you buy it, which means as soon as you can, you're outta here, pal.

2. Have psychology work rotations 24/7 on call. What a pain it is to have no support at odd hours when you need it. Psych's busy enough with all the commitments, suicidal ideations, etc. Come on down and peel this "not sick enough for psych" character off the ceiling so I can do my work. And stop the groper from groping my fellow staff members.

3. Really discharge non-compliant patients. You're perfectly competent, but choose to disobey rules and make yourself sick enough to require emergency care? Out you go...

Just my two cents. Maybe it'll stick if I repeat it enough.

Yours truly,

RehabRN

Thank you for smoking

Dear Patients,

Yes, I'm not talking about the movie, I'm just talking about what I see at the Hotel Rehab.

By spending lots of money on cigarettes, you are, in a roundabout way, financing my house, car and Bubba's college education. Thanks so much.

Here's how.

1. Smoking impairs wound healing, according to studies. You sign a contract at the Hotel saying you won't smoke, so what do you expect, when I see you out on the front lawn, with your visitors and your IV pole, talking and taking long drags?

And BTW, some of those studies mentioned above say that smokers get impaired absorption and effectiveness of some drugs, too. Dr. Z will not give you the flap of your dreams if you're not compliant.

2. And word to the wise, Mr. S.: Don't be lying to that person who's calling you to help you, and who needs you to be abstinent of tobacco.When note after note says you were outside smoking, who do you think he/she's gonna believe? (He/she can read our notes)

3. And if either one of you two idiots smoke outside my window again, I can and will water my plant on the windowsill. That darned gravity is crazy on the second floor.

Cheers, love and good wishes (you may want to wear a raincoat),

RehabRN

Heard on the unit: Denial is not a river in Egypt

Nurse: Sir, are you on any blood pressure meds?
Patient: No, none at all.
Nurse: Your blood pressure is really high (systolic near 200, diastolic 110). I'm going to have to call the doctor and get an order for you. (leaves room)

Nurse on phone and tells Doc story about Mr. HTN above.
Doctor: Mr. HTN is non-compliant with his blood pressure meds.
Nurse: He has a history? He's denied it to everyone who's come into the room.
Doctor: That's nothing new. Give him xx BP med now, and I'll come to see him.

A nice surprise for the morning...