Thank you for smoking

Dear Patients,

Yes, I'm not talking about the movie, I'm just talking about what I see at the Hotel Rehab.

By spending lots of money on cigarettes, you are, in a roundabout way, financing my house, car and Bubba's college education. Thanks so much.

Here's how.

1. Smoking impairs wound healing, according to studies. You sign a contract at the Hotel saying you won't smoke, so what do you expect, when I see you out on the front lawn, with your visitors and your IV pole, talking and taking long drags?

And BTW, some of those studies mentioned above say that smokers get impaired absorption and effectiveness of some drugs, too. Dr. Z will not give you the flap of your dreams if you're not compliant.

2. And word to the wise, Mr. S.: Don't be lying to that person who's calling you to help you, and who needs you to be abstinent of tobacco.When note after note says you were outside smoking, who do you think he/she's gonna believe? (He/she can read our notes)

3. And if either one of you two idiots smoke outside my window again, I can and will water my plant on the windowsill. That darned gravity is crazy on the second floor.

Cheers, love and good wishes (you may want to wear a raincoat),

RehabRN