Things I'd really like to say

To the hyperspazz out-of-wedlock pregnant idiot I work with:
"Hello, getting psycho just because it's the end of the shift isn't going to help anything when I ask you to do something for your patient. You're not the only one who's busy."

To the two people who called in "sick" today on a beautiful, spring, first day of baseball kind of day:
"You two are jerks. Karma's a bitch. I can't wait for it to bite you in the arse."

To the two ambulance drivers who took my patient to an out-of-network appointment and waited for him when his procedure was delayed:
"Yes, I know I thanked you, but I wish I could give you a bonus. Mikey really did like you guys."

To the legislators who are holding up the passage of the Federal budget:
"I don't care who you are. If you want me to come to work, you'd better pay me. And if I don't get paid, you and every last one of your staff, aides, etc., shouldn't either. You people are losers. F*&ing with nurses (and the ancillary employees we need around to do our jobs)  is not the way to solve problems. I just might mail a bowel program scented letter to you."