Heard on the unit...

In the offices, under the bed, outside, in the halls, you never know what people will say.

"What? Mr. X was 'ambulatory' at the scene of his slow motor vehicle accident? It's a miracle!" --Nurse Q.

Mr. X hasn't walked in years, partly because he doesn't have two legs. Q always is so observant when reading the notes the referral centers send to us.

"Mr. X was 'clean' according to the note. WTF? Did he have his accident in a car wash?"--Nurse Q

Yes, Q is a little too funny. Mr. X hasn't been clean in all the years I have known him, Q told me later. Said character is afraid he'll melt in water.If you can picture Pig Pen all grown up and missing a limb or two, you know what I mean.


"No wonder that pump didn't work. It did flip flops in his/her abdomen."--Nurse Madge

Nurse Madge is in charge of filling medication pumps at the Hotel. One patient's pump flipped so many times, it required surgical intervention to fix.

"It's better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission." --Doctor Barnum, our new boss.

Not when you piss off your referral nurse, it's not. Referral Nurse had to set boss straight, because they need to talk to get patients admitted to the Hotel. No customers is not good business, especially to the big bosses.

Stay tuned...the people I work with (and even the patients) say the darnedest things!

A little recon

Dear Referring Officials in Said Happy City:

Despite patient comments stating that you all are saying we're an "Army barracks" and "no one wants to go there," you keep sending us patients. Yes, we had a patient family member tell us this yet again that you've said things that are not true.

Yes, we're not the newest Hotel du Jour Rehab, but you're forgetting a few things. Here's the truth:

1. We do our work AND it works. Yes, we have a fine reputation for healing people and we do it over, and over and over again. It's true our specialist physician only calls on certain days, but we are so fortunate to have staff physicians who really get it and know when to say when about calling him/her back for backup if needed.

2. We have a beautiful neighborhood. It's scenic, with bluffs, river, sky and all sorts of wild critters that make it  perfectly picturesque. Many patients tell me they try to get by the windows at dusk, or go outside, just to see the deer and other critters mulling around. For many folks from rural areas, it reminds them of home, even though we're not far from the bustle of the city down the road.

3. We have a wonderful place for visiting families to stay. In fact, if it were open to the general public, it would be overrun with those Civil War (and other war) reenactors due to the fact we're so close to historic sites where they go visit. Many of our patients are loathe to leave after staying there (it's that nice).

4. Besides, we are closer to one of the BEST (yes it was rated that way) cultural institutions and it did beat the c$%p out of your nationally rated one because we care...and ours is free to all.

So, please be sure to do your research first from reliable sources, 'cause your recon ain't so good.

Sincerely not,

RehabRN